Why are you here

Clouds by Tracey Rediker

You are now at the doorway to the thoughts in my head.

Yes, this is another of those self indulgent collections of thoughts that so many people clutter the internet with. Yes, this was just an excuse for me to be dismissive of the importance of what I am writing. Yes, you will probably see this happen often.

I have gone back and forth for years about sharing the frightening place that is my own mind. Why would anyone want to read about MY struggle? Do I really want to make it public and worry my friends and family?

The good news is I doubt anyone will read this. I have been blogging for my business for years and have only a handful of views. It is just another way the world makes me feel alone.

Oh yeah, that is what I am here to talk about, feeling alone.

I have been told this is a symptom of depression. If it is I have had it my entire life. I do not remember ever feeling like I was part of something; not a family, not a group of friends, not a team, not a fan-base. And there is nothing I can do about it.

Go ahead, run through the list of things I should try, I probably have done them all. Actually, no, make suggestions. Maybe there is something new that I don’t know about. As long as it is not anecdotal. You will learn that I am all about fact-based healing.

So, the goal is the write here, daily, about issues that come up. Old and new stories of crap filling my head with unhappiness. And maybe, hopefully, some nice moments where I see sunshine through the clouds.

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2 Comments

  1. I care about what you write here Tracey, and I already know what a very good writer you are. I think it is brave of you to do this (though I’m not even sure what “this” is or where you are going with it). I have come to experience and believe that we are all alone in some ways–no matter the circumstances of our lives–but certainly not completely alone. I have also come to believe that writing or expressing in some other artistic way about the alone place can matter and help a lot. For me (and I say this as a therapist and someone who has used therapy well and has a couple or so wonderful friends) talking directly about the alone inside the head place with another person can have its wonderful moments too.

    Like

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