Pick a Thing

I have started writing and re-writing today’s blog post 3 times. I just wasn’t inspired to look deeply into any of the subjects I touched on. Maybe it is just going to be one of those days.

It is hard to first come up with a subject then write thoughtful introspection every day. You end up thinking a recap of activities from the day before is a good option. I am not going to write like that.

What is amazing is all the energy I have for everything else. I knit, I run errands, I work, I spend time with my family. I just can’t hold a thought in my head long enough to write it down. This is the frustration I talked about last week.

So I am going to refuse to feel bad about the fact that I have nothing to offer you today. I have plenty of other things that I could be doing and this is a waste of my time. And NOW I get it.

Ugh, that is what I am doing with everything. As soon as it stops being easy or working in my favor I am ready to drop it. This is not always a bad thing, there are times when it is better to stop fighting and move on. But what about when you invest time and money and have self-worth into it? How can you know what is worth working for?

Unfortunately, it comes down to personal feeling, and that is just way too flexible for me. One day I feel one way and the next day another. Keeping yourself on the road to any kind of success can be impossible.

I rely heavily on the support of my husband. He is careful not to be overly supportive of one position or another because he knows that my feelings can change so quickly. He will, however, give an opinion if he thinks something is a good or bad idea, mostly when there is money involved.

But he cannot pick for me, I have to do that. So usually I allow the decision to wait as long as possible then base it on however i am feeling in that moment. Then I regret it for a while. Then sometimes I come around to be happy about it. Then I am mad at myself. Then break it down to see the positive aspects of the decision. Then swear I will never make this mistake again.

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