This morning my daughter was telling me about a project she did with a friend. This is a girl that she has known for a while and talks about quite often. She was not invited to my daughter’s recent sleepover party.
I think this hit a little too close to home for me. I identified with her friend. I have never lacked for friends, but I never seemed to be included in plans. And when I try to make something happen, I find it hard to get people interested.
I probably did the wrong thing at this point. I told my daughter that it bothered me that this person was left out. She defended her decision by saying she would have felt left out anyway as these girls all have similar interests. I told her that it was better to invite her and let her say no. I told her that I was that kid.
Was it fair to put that on her? No. Am i projecting? Absolutely. I have no idea how this girl feels, if she even knows that she was not invited.
There is also an aspect of this that is in my own head. People can’t read my mind or know my schedule. I could let them know that I would have loved to have been included. I could make the plans and realize that I don’t know their schedule or interests.
But this is what I do. I first say that the behavior of others hurt me. Then I make excuses for it because no one would hurt me on purpose. And inevitably, it was my fault for any number of reasons. Sometimes it is because I am unlikeable. Sometimes it is because we are not really as close as I thought. The behavior of the world is inevitably my fault.
The good news is that as far as I can tell, my daughter is not the one feeling left out.